December 1

Coffee with Mike- Another Word On Competition: Part 1



It's not good for spouses to be so competitive that they feel like they have to be better than the other one at all things; that they always have to be right; that they always have to have control; that they always have to make the decision; that you know they always have to be first. I mean, that's not a good relationship building type of mentality. So, what I'm saying is, that if we're always competing against one another, then how are we working for one another, and how are we building a relationship with one another?

If we're always competing against one another it's like, "I don't want to know you because I want to beat you. If I know you and beat you, I may feel bad. I don't want to feel bad, therefore, I won't know you." I think being competitive- when I mean competitive, uber competitive- then we are really short changing our relationships. We're short changing the time that we actually spend with people, and I believe that that is something that is counterproductive to our society, and counterproductive to our own family life. To our own friendships, to our own workstations. I think that's something that we ought to consider.

You know, it's one thing to say, "this guy is so different" or "this this woman is so different that I just can't seem to get along with them." That's a different deal than saying, "I can't work with you, I can't help you, I don't have a common goal, I don't share a common goal with you." But those are two different ideas. Having an intimate relationship or having a friendship relationship is a different thing than, "I'm able to work with you, I'm able to share a common goal with you, and I'm able to help you achieve what you need to achieve as you help me achieve what I want to achieve." 

I believe that there's some element there that's missing where we're just being too competitive, and we're missing the boat on what it means to be in a relationship, a working relationship? What does it mean to be an interdependent relationship, that isn't necessarily a friendship, but it's something that we're able to- it's time we're able to share together because it's productive for both of us, and we enjoy being productive for another person, as well as someone being productive for it for us. Couldn't we look for that opportunity every once in awhile?

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